Wave of emotions


Feeling blue and feeling happy

I’m a mix of emotions these days

Can’t complain though because the good days are wonderful

Amazing in fact

But then the wonderment fades  when I have to return home

Go back to the melodramatic atmosphere and existence

They say that one should never give up

But it doesn’t feel like giving up when I’m looking to give my life new meaning

I want to feel happy and free again

I do, for the most part when I am alone at home or when I am out with my friends

I love those days when I have it to myself and can do whatever I like….

But a part of my heart is opening up to new emotions

While another part of it is just cold and shut down….

I don’t quite know what to do with myself really

It’s not like I ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life

I just don’t want to live a life that others have drawn up for me…

I want to live a life that I see in my heart…

One where I am more in control and also free

Is that such a wrong thing?

Hey it’s me

I’ve not been in the mood to write… Sounds lame I know… But, it’s just how I’ve been feeling for sometime now. It’s been a month and a half since I returned and I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Sure, I make plans to meet friends and read as much and go places, but writing has always been a big part of my life and when I’m not writing, something is definitely not right. 

I had the most peaceful three months while I was away. The most peaceful I’ve had on over three years. It’s a sad thing to say but it’s also the sad truth. It also sprung the idea of my next article to the local newspaper – What They Don’t Tell You About Marriage. Trust me, people don’t tell you A LOT of things!!!!!

I thought I’d get e first paragraph sorted somehow today, call myself productive at least in some way for today. I’ve also been focusing a lot on my little home businesses and how to grow them in ways I can manage. I supply bath and body items  to a baby store and I’ve also picked up doodling and sketching a bit so there’s a hit of progress I suppose. As for on a very personal note, I don’t quite know what I’m doing….

Some things in life are going to end. I’m sure of that now because I can’t deal with the bullshit any longer. I’m tired, I’m unhappy and I value my life and so I want to change things around… I want to make living worthwhile and so some things in life are going to end and pave the way for new beginnings. I need to do this for myself. Yes, I’m being selfish but it is my life after all isn’t it? If I don’t value it, then what’s the point? 

Well… There you have it, just a little update on what’s been going on… And hopefully a reminder to myself that I should continue to write and keep this blog updated. I don’t know many of you (if at all, all of you) but thank you for the silent support and encouragement. I’ve needed it and I appreciate it very much. 


It’s one of those days

Yep… It’s me after a month or more long absence… It’s one of those days… And no… I’m not liking it…. I can’t seem to get myself to literary do anything productive… I’ve not written in months… I’ve… Well…I spent this morning watching YouTube videos and half a movie… Im not jobless you see… I’ve got work to do and orders to check and packages to deliver but I just can’t seem to get about doing them… 

In truth… I wish I hadn’t come back from the US… I wish I could go back this very moment… And I can’t… And I’m a little down about that… 

No, I’m not looking for sympathy or pity or understanding… I just wanted to let that out… To clear my mind of it… I apologize in advance for this boring post… 

What’s Cooking?

I’m not kitchen savvy back at home – one of the reasons is because the space is not something I like. I prefer small kitchens where everything I need is literally at arms length and no one hovers over what I’m doing. Basically if I’m cooking, you need to get out of the kitchen! 

So I like cooking while I’m abroad because the kitchen space is limited and I’m allowed to do whatever I like. Here are a few basic dishes I’ve made over the past two months;

prawn sauteed with broccoli
prawn sauteed with broccoli, spices and then added to rice
fish grilled with spices and spinach

rice combined with salad leaves, two eggs and spices