Twelve months


When I look back on the past twelve months, I see a huge difference in myself. I no longer wear the hijab, I no longer carry a shawl with me wherever I go and I’ve actually taken action regarding my life. Change is coming; change is here. 

It’s been a definite bumpy road, but I see how in small ways, the changes I decided to make have led me to where I am today. For that, I am grateful. 

I am grateful that today, I stand by myself with no need to impress someone or please someone for the sake of keeping the peace. I am grateful, that I do not have to pretend to be someone I am not. I am grateful for the career changes I made because I am able to financially support myself independently and keep my passion for writing alive. I am grateful I kept close, the friends and family who have meant so much to me and continue to support me in my hard times. 

It’s easy I think, to lose sight of what matters in hard times. It’s easy to get caught up in unnecessary drama and forget whats important or lose your way. I’ve faltered on so many accounts in the past twelve months but I am grateful I kept steering towards what needed to be done. 

Some days continue to be hard; like today. It was hard and I moped for some hours; I passed the deadline on a due write-up. i daydreamed a little too much and overthought certain scenarios and moments in my head. I try not to give myself a hard time over having the occassional hard day though. I should be allowed to have a few every now and then. I’m only human afterall. 

Life goes on….

Hey it’s me


I’ve not been in the mood to write… Sounds lame I know… But, it’s just how I’ve been feeling for sometime now. It’s been a month and a half since I returned and I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Sure, I make plans to meet friends and read as much and go places, but writing has always been a big part of my life and when I’m not writing, something is definitely not right. 

I had the most peaceful three months while I was away. The most peaceful I’ve had on over three years. It’s a sad thing to say but it’s also the sad truth. It also sprung the idea of my next article to the local newspaper – What They Don’t Tell You About Marriage. Trust me, people don’t tell you A LOT of things!!!!!

I thought I’d get e first paragraph sorted somehow today, call myself productive at least in some way for today. I’ve also been focusing a lot on my little home businesses and how to grow them in ways I can manage. I supply bath and body items  to a baby store and I’ve also picked up doodling and sketching a bit so there’s a hit of progress I suppose. As for on a very personal note, I don’t quite know what I’m doing….

Some things in life are going to end. I’m sure of that now because I can’t deal with the bullshit any longer. I’m tired, I’m unhappy and I value my life and so I want to change things around… I want to make living worthwhile and so some things in life are going to end and pave the way for new beginnings. I need to do this for myself. Yes, I’m being selfish but it is my life after all isn’t it? If I don’t value it, then what’s the point? 

Well… There you have it, just a little update on what’s been going on… And hopefully a reminder to myself that I should continue to write and keep this blog updated. I don’t know many of you (if at all, all of you) but thank you for the silent support and encouragement. I’ve needed it and I appreciate it very much. 

Xoxo

Don’t be a prisonerĀ 

  
I feel like a lot of times, I let myself feel guilty because I wasn’t able to change something or do something right. 

I beat myself up over little things but that never really got me anywhere. 

I realize now that some things are better left as they are. There are things in life I can’t change. 

I shouldn’t put myself down or let it get to me if I can’t change something. Some things are out if my control and it’s okay. 

No one is perfect. No one is excellent. I don’t be letting myself be a prisoner to things I cannot change anymore. 

Going through quarter life crisis

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Quarter life crisis. Does it exist? What does it mean? What becomes of a person going through a quarter life crisis? There are too many questions and often finding answers can only bring about more confusion to a person going through such an experience. However, it is normal. Not everyone goes through a quarter life crisis. But those who do, find this time in their lives to be difficult, painful, lonely and tiring for no reason.

 

What are the signs?
The days seem long. You’re often too lazy to wake up. There’s nothing to keep you motivated so it’s easy to want to sink back into bed. This is one sign of going through a rough time in your life. It’s easy to pretend like nothing is wrong when you’re under warm sheets, all cuddled up in bed with about four pillows. You can wallow in this for a while but when it becomes almost a routine, you need to do something about it.

You might also experience a loss or increase in appetite and therefore lose or gain a lot of weight in a short period of time. This might happen almost unconsciously. You sit down to have a meal and do not realise the loss of appetite or the alarming amount of food you’ve served onto your plate. Sometimes, the day is coming to an end without you even noticing the rumbling in your tummy because you’d forgotten to have breakfast or lunch. Others around you of course, would notice the significant change in your size or appetite. So, pay attention to what they say.

Don’t get me started on your drastic mood swings. It’s almost too easy to lose temper over something that goes wrong. You get ticked off in a matter of seconds. The smallest mistake could upset you and having cried for a couple of minutes, you might not even have a clue as to why you cried. On some days you may feel as if you’re on top of the world and have everything under control. Everything would appear dandy in your eyes and you’d also probably be more efficient and motivated on such days. Unfortunately, you can slip downward by the following day and feel blue and useless.

Lack of concentration and motivation at work is also something common when going through a quarter life crisis. You may find yourself constantly distracted and unable to perform even the smallest of tasks. The job you love might seem a little too boring and you may feel less motivated to keep at it. You may also begin to feel less passionate about what you do for a living and perhaps not want to do anything for some time. Constantly comparing yourself to others and seeing how they have their lives put together, could also upset your mind and cause a great deal of unnecessary stress.

In these situations, always remember that you are not alone. There are over seven billion people in the world and someone else out there is going through the exact same situations, feelings and troubles as you. Some are also possibly going through worse. Regardless, life does not and will not stop to pat you on the back and pull you back on your feet. You have to do this yourself. It’s okay to feel like you don’t have everything in your life intact. That’s a part of growing up and gradually, you will learn from your mistakes. It’s okay to falter and mess up because those moments will define you in the years to come. You will not be put into situations that you cannot handle or are capable of not pulling through. Life is certainly not an easy journey so take small steps to push forward and become a ‘better you’. If you feel you are unable to get out of bed, at least work from home on your laptop. If you find yourself feeling less motivated at work, take a couple minutes’ break and chat with someone close to you. It helps to open up and let others know how you feel.

The important thing is to not give up; especially on you. Try and eat either a little more or a little less as the days go on. Do things that make you happy. Read a book when you have the time or watch a movie. Go for a walk by the park or beach, if you need a breather. Fresh air will help clear your mind. Learn also to control your emotions and moods. Think before you speak or snap at those around you. Sometimes it’s better to hold your tongue than say something hurtful to others, which you would later regret. It’s easy to shut others out of your life but this will only add to the loneliness you feel. Take time to go out, meet your friends and family. These changes won’t happen overnight but it’s up to you to make it a point to do small things in order to live a better life and understand that you will get past this.

**As published in Ceylon Today newspapers**

Never changeĀ 

  

Are unhappy with the way you have been created? I kinda thought I was until I realized that the negativity wasn’t coming from within me…. It’s easy to be fooled by those around and close to us and fall prey to what they say especially if we put our trust in them. If they are the type of people who find fault in you and make you feel bad for being who you are, they don’t deserve to be a part of your life. Be happy with the way you are. Never change just to please someone else.