It’s for your own good…. Yeah yeah I’ve heard that one a gazillion times before… It never gets old and people don’t tire of saying it to you.
Tonight.. I’m just tired of all the meddling. Sick and exhausted of it all. I don’t understand why someone cannot be let to live and just be. How hard is it really? My life has been meddled with in all its entirety. When it happens on a daily basis, it takes its toll on you and not in the best way.
I thought I had somewhat of a pretty good week or hardly or less meddling and then, bam! It just hits you so hard right across the face. I hate… Hate is such a strong word…but I hate how it makes me feel and how I react in return. It makes me angry, anxious and defensive. It makes me want to run away, away from all the drama, the questions, the secret glances, the pitiful looks, the jealous stares and whatnots.
The ideal dream, at this very moment, would be to vanish. To disappear into nowhere. Somewhere no one knows me and I know no one. Somewhere I can have some sense of peace and longing. Somewhere no one will tell me what to do, what to wear, what to say, what to think, who to associate with and how to be. I feel like… No one understands how much I long for that. To be unknown and start fresh. To have no one tell me things. No judgements.
It’s pretty sad to read back on some of my earlier blog posts that discuss my life. I pity myself. I wish I had the courage to just get up and leave, which is what I want to do….
I feel like this is a bit of an incomplete blog but… I needed to get a few things off my chest, so here you have it.
Do you think this is true? I’m a little unsure…..
I’ve come to sort of ignore a few issues in life cuz they upset me so much before. Now I feel like I’ve become stronger so they don’t upset me as much.
Is my lesson complete?
My heart. Heart beat. Heart. Heart beat.
Pain. Hurt. Heart beat. Struck. Pain. Heart beat.
Withering. Heart. Shattered. Heart beat. Torn. Heart.
Strength. Heart beat. Heart. Courage. Heart. Faith. Heart beat. Heart.
My heart. Heart beat.
I feel like a lot of times, I let myself feel guilty because I wasn’t able to change something or do something right.
I beat myself up over little things but that never really got me anywhere.
I realize now that some things are better left as they are. There are things in life I can’t change.
I shouldn’t put myself down or let it get to me if I can’t change something. Some things are out if my control and it’s okay.
No one is perfect. No one is excellent. I don’t be letting myself be a prisoner to things I cannot change anymore.
Whenever you have a bad day…
Whenever life pulls you down…
Know that what is coming is better than what is gone…
Be strong…. You will make it through…
Today wasn’t necessarily a good day. I went through a roller coaster of emotions all morning and afternoon. I spent pretty much the entire day in my room, with the curtains closed and barely any light cuz I felt so low. Yet I feel like something good came out of being that way all day. I don’t understand why I felt a little lost, bewildered and alone (I know I could have gone out and done something) but I feel like being by myself taught me something valuable so all is not lost out of today. Sometimes some things happen in our lives and even though often we do not understand it, it benefits us in many ways and we should be thankful. Simply put, it pays to have a little faith.
You are more than just a girl. You are more than just a boy. You are more than just a daughter. You are more than just a son. You are more than just a wife and you are more than just a husband. You are more than just a mother. You are more than just a father. You are more than a friend. You are more than a colleague. You are more than just a human being. You are more than the job you have. You are more than the dreams you dreams. You are more than the goals you make and the goals you achieve. You are more than the memories you make and the memories you keep. You are more than the casual hellos and the heart breaking goodbyes. You are more than a shoulder to cry on. You are more than a trustworthy soul. You are more than a guardian. You are more than a savior. You are more than the strength inside and the courage you hide. You are more than the creative individual. You are more than absolute perfection. You are more than a tool and more than a body and brain. You are so much more than you seem… You are you!
Have a great weekend everyone! Xoxo