It’s for your own good…. Yeah yeah I’ve heard that one a gazillion times before… It never gets old and people don’t tire of saying it to you.
Tonight.. I’m just tired of all the meddling. Sick and exhausted of it all. I don’t understand why someone cannot be let to live and just be. How hard is it really? My life has been meddled with in all its entirety. When it happens on a daily basis, it takes its toll on you and not in the best way.
I thought I had somewhat of a pretty good week or hardly or less meddling and then, bam! It just hits you so hard right across the face. I hate… Hate is such a strong word…but I hate how it makes me feel and how I react in return. It makes me angry, anxious and defensive. It makes me want to run away, away from all the drama, the questions, the secret glances, the pitiful looks, the jealous stares and whatnots.
The ideal dream, at this very moment, would be to vanish. To disappear into nowhere. Somewhere no one knows me and I know no one. Somewhere I can have some sense of peace and longing. Somewhere no one will tell me what to do, what to wear, what to say, what to think, who to associate with and how to be. I feel like… No one understands how much I long for that. To be unknown and start fresh. To have no one tell me things. No judgements.
It’s pretty sad to read back on some of my earlier blog posts that discuss my life. I pity myself. I wish I had the courage to just get up and leave, which is what I want to do….