Listening to the beat of a heart
Until someone whispers
“You are so special”
The heart surges
With unexplainable emotions
Conjuring moments of you and I;
A favourite pastime of mine
Yet, what I long to be true
I’ll never have what’s ideal
Or know what could have been.
Yet, what I long to be true
When I am with you
It’s like nothing else in the world matters.
It’s just us, you and I.
When I am not with you
The world envelopes me
Keeps me away from reaching out to you
There are walls between us I cannot climb
And it’s not just us anymore.
It’s the universe and you.
And it’s just me.
Admit it, we’ve all had to let go of things in our lives at some point or the other. Whether it’s a person, a feeling, a desire (want or need) or even an object, we as humans are constantly beginning and ending chapters in our lives. This is normal.
Although age and experience can possibly make the journey easier, no matter how many times, completely letting go can be quite difficult to achieve. As humans, our natural tendency is to focus on ‘what used to be’ or ‘what could have been’ and idealistically though unhealthy, holding onto it as if it was everything we ever wanted.
Unfortunately, the problem is that this notion and holding on can cause more suffering. It does not encourage growth in any form of way or the ideology of moving forward. The ideal situation however be to find a balance between grieving and focusing on the future and things that could be.
If you’re finding it hard to let go of the memory of someone you’ve lost in your life to death, there’s always the opportunity of paying tribute. It could be a family member, a distant relative, a close friend or even your pet companion.
Remind yourself that you are only human, and sometimes it’s okay to cry if you want to. Many times we tend to tell ourselves that tears should not be spent on something that’s lost but this does not help with the process of letting go of something that meant near and dear to us. Allow yourself to grieve. Whether its at the grocery store when you’ve been hit with a memory flashback or while you’re quietly reading a book in your favourite nook, it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing. If you feel like letting it out with a good cry, do it.
Most often while we grieve for what is lost and what we may never have, we tend to lose focus on what it is that we need. We tend to forget that our lives matter and that we need to pay attention to our mind and body. Take care of yourself; do not lose wind of the importance of inhaling and exhaling. It is the key to our existence. Give yourself time to heal, but also feed your body. Go outdoors and get some fresh air. A walk will help give you a sense of clarity. Do something you are passionate about and puts a smile on your face. Eat your favourite foods.
There is no time constraints on how long you should grieve and deadline to when you should let go. You can do it in your own time but also focus on what you can gain while you do so. Overcoming a sense of sorrow and hardship can mean you are becoming a stronger individual, an open-minded person who has willpower and who is brave.
Ultimately, remember that tomorrow is a new day. It may be and seem difficult to understand but a new day brings new opportunities and with it new experiences.
There’s no denying that perhaps a teeny part of you will hold onto things without 100% letting go, but that’s okay. The trick is not to heavily focus on it or to completely let it take you over.
Some will find it far more easier to let go than others, but we all have our means and reasons to do so. The biggest misconception of letting go and detaching is as a sign of ignorance, aloofness or even emotional disconnect. But as the Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh once said, letting go is a sign of loving more, not less. It is compassion, and contains a deep sense of concern and more love, not the opposite. In truly letting go, we practice gratitude and there is relief and joy is doing so. A sense of soulful satisfaction.
There is no art to letting go in reality. We all have different directions. Letting go is simply a sense of allowing and being.
I’m making my way towards home
I like walking if the weather is good
I avoid the puddles from last night’s rainfall
And the cracked bits of pavement
And I think of you….
I reach home and I head straight to my room
I undress and get under the sheets
Gathering all the pillows and the cushions
Making myself comfortable
And I think of you….
It’s late and night and my mind is wandering
And I think of the day’s events
I make lists for the next day
And as I drift off into slumber
I think of you…
Overcast skies and rainy afternoons
Silent moments and my arms are empty of you
Tell me it’ll change
Tell me it’ll be okay
Tell me it’ll be soon
and I’ll see you someday
How does one know the difference between being ‘interested’ in someone, having a ‘crush’ on someone, to liking someone, to feeling something deeper and evidently falling in love with someone?
What is this human need or desire to be and feel attached or connected to another human? Is that how we are designed to be and live, or somehow have accustomed ourselves to eventually be and live?
Too many questions.
My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all.