Yet, life goes on.
The ride goes on
The ride goes on.
The journey goes on.
The ride goes on.
Today wasn’t necessarily a good day. I went through a roller coaster of emotions all morning and afternoon. I spent pretty much the entire day in my room, with the curtains closed and barely any light cuz I felt so low. Yet I feel like something good came out of being that way all day. I don’t understand why I felt a little lost, bewildered and alone (I know I could have gone out and done something) but I feel like being by myself taught me something valuable so all is not lost out of today. Sometimes some things happen in our lives and even though often we do not understand it, it benefits us in many ways and we should be thankful. Simply put, it pays to have a little faith.
Nobody ever said life was easy. The worst part is it is never truly all that hard either. Life is about simplicity and how you adjust to it. In today’s world where simplicity is lost, hold on to what little you have and be thankful. I know I am thankful for what I have in mine. It’s not everything I ever wanted but it’s more than I could ask for and that’s good enough for me. I have love, I have strength and I have faith. I too believe it’s important to love and feel as much as possible in this world. What becomes of life if we do not risk it all and feel from every inch of our hearts? Life would be so bleak. Love isn’t easy either but love is simple in every possible way. For the most part, you fall in love without even realising it and that’s the beauty of it. The way it whisks your heart, the way it makes you feel at the dead of night, the way you hum underneath your breathe just because you’re happy…. the way memories fill your heart and mind at every moment every single day…the way your entire day revolves around that extra beat in your heart… Risk it all for it’s worth it. Life will break you if not love.
What are you feeling right this second? It’s somewhat a feeling between lost and bewilderment. I’m a little confused, a little sad and a little annoyed.
Why? Because I’m stupid and I let things get to me… I know in my mind I shouldn’t but my heart is so carefree so that I let it guide me and allow me to feel things I shouldn’t.
What kind of things? Wonder.. love. The kind of love that doesn’t exist. The kind of love I’ve made up in my head. The kind of love that doesn’t let you down or hurt you in any way. That kind of love…. the perfect kind of love..
Why let your heart decide over your mind? I don’t know how to answer this… I guess it’s because I’ve always let my heart decide. I feel so much and it’s easier to choose and make decisions therefore with my heart when there’s so much of emotions going on inside me. My mind on the other hand is a bit cold and I never liked letting it decide for me.
But now you’re hurt…aren’t you? I am. Very much. It’s like this burning sensation inside of me. This awful heaviness in my head. This hurtful ache in my heart. And yet I know there is nothing I can do about it.
You led yourself into this..didn’t you? Yes. I admit wholeheartedly.
What do you intend to do now? I pray… I pray that I should be okay..someday if not now. I pray for patience and I pray for peace within myself. I pray that God leads me wherever He wants to take me and I am okay. I do not want excessive happiness but I do not want to feel sadness either. I just want contentment . I want to be okay. I know I’ll get there…. but I have to admit the journey is long and hard. It’s a painful test of my strength and integrity, my faith and my wilfulness.
Will this help? I can only hope…
Why not confide in someone? Why should I… I do to an extent but that’s it… How can I depend on someone so much? Wouldn’t that cause me more hurt in return? Should I not be self-sufficient?
It’s easy to talk things through with someone close to you.. Do you not trust? I do… with my heart. I trust wholeheartedly and then it’s like coming around in a full circle… I can relate my whole life story and get attached so easily. And then in one moment… one wakeup call from reality… I am back to where I started.. Cause it’s easy to let others know your story… it’s easy to talk about what’s hurting inside of me but in reality, it doesn’t solve anything does it? All I am doing is letting my emotions out… once that’s done… I am back to square one.. I feel lost, wonder and bewilderment.