Of you 

I’m making my way towards home

I like walking if the weather is good

I avoid the puddles from last night’s rainfall

And the cracked bits of pavement

And I think of you….

I reach home and I head straight to my room

I undress and get under the sheets

Gathering all the pillows and the cushions

Making myself comfortable

And I think of you….

It’s late and night and my mind is wandering

And I think of the day’s events

I make lists for the next day

And as I drift off into slumber

I think of you… 

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Fatal


What does it mean to be attracted to someone? To be attached, to feel connected?

How does one know the difference between being ‘interested’ in someone, having a ‘crush’ on someone, to liking someone, to feeling something deeper and evidently falling in love with someone? 

What is this human need or desire to be and feel attached or connected to another human? Is that how we are designed to be and live, or somehow have accustomed ourselves to eventually be and live?  

Too many questions.  

Paean II


My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all. 

Wave of emotions

presentation-emotions

Feeling blue and feeling happy

I’m a mix of emotions these days

Can’t complain though because the good days are wonderful

Amazing in fact

But then the wonderment fades  when I have to return home

Go back to the melodramatic atmosphere and existence

They say that one should never give up

But it doesn’t feel like giving up when I’m looking to give my life new meaning

I want to feel happy and free again

I do, for the most part when I am alone at home or when I am out with my friends

I love those days when I have it to myself and can do whatever I like….

But a part of my heart is opening up to new emotions

While another part of it is just cold and shut down….

I don’t quite know what to do with myself really

It’s not like I ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life

I just don’t want to live a life that others have drawn up for me…

I want to live a life that I see in my heart…

One where I am more in control and also free

Is that such a wrong thing?