What does it mean to be attracted to someone? To be attached, to feel connected?
How does one know the difference between being ‘interested’ in someone, having a ‘crush’ on someone, to liking someone, to feeling something deeper and evidently falling in love with someone?
What is this human need or desire to be and feel attached or connected to another human? Is that how we are designed to be and live, or somehow have accustomed ourselves to eventually be and live?
Too many questions.
My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all.
Feeling blue and feeling happy
I’m a mix of emotions these days
Can’t complain though because the good days are wonderful
Amazing in fact
But then the wonderment fades when I have to return home
Go back to the melodramatic atmosphere and existence
They say that one should never give up
But it doesn’t feel like giving up when I’m looking to give my life new meaning
I want to feel happy and free again
I do, for the most part when I am alone at home or when I am out with my friends
I love those days when I have it to myself and can do whatever I like….
But a part of my heart is opening up to new emotions
While another part of it is just cold and shut down….
I don’t quite know what to do with myself really
It’s not like I ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life
I just don’t want to live a life that others have drawn up for me…
I want to live a life that I see in my heart…
One where I am more in control and also free
Is that such a wrong thing?
This reminds me of Kung Fu Panda, but on a serious note, I do believe inner peace is attained when you stop allowing others to control your emotions and life.
There is a sense of satisfaction when only you have control over how you feel, where you go, what you do and so on.
That I believe is inner peace.
We looked into each other’s eyes
‘Are you mad at me’? he asked
‘More at myself than you’
He started to speak
But I continued…
‘Mad at myself
For letting myself
Feel things I shouldn’t
Dream of things I shouldn’t
And want things I shouldn’t’
He whispered my name
And my heart broke a little
He moved a step closer
And my heart hitched inside
‘Don’t… don’t come any closer’
He took another step
‘Please don’t’ I said again
‘Give me a hug’ he said
And a tear rolled down my face
‘That’s what I’m afraid of’
He reached out to me
Held my waist
And pulled me closer
I broke down entirely
And clung to him
He already knew
What was on my mind
And I knew he wouldn’t say
The words I dreamed him say
So we stayed
In each other’s arms
Until it was time to say goodbye