Make Everyday Matter 

Inhale. Exhale. Make every breathe count.

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Here’s the thing; we’re all struggling to fit in and find a spot in this so-called ‘rat race’ called life. What is the race all about any way? Why do we take it so seriously? Why are we constantly after something we’re not even sure of and not making every single day of our lives matter?  

Stop. Take a deep breath. Inhale. Exhale.

According to Richard Branson, there’s no necessity of separating work life and play/personal life. One must simply find a balance of the two to make a life. If you aren’t finding some form of enjoyment in the daily work that you do, if there’s no passion towards the career you are building, if there’s no sense of happiness derived from the everyday job, then what’s the point? 

In order to make your every day count, be sure to fill it with a career, a job that satisfies your passion and aspirations. Once you begin to find enjoyment in what you do, when there’s a smile spread across your face at the end of a hard days work, it is then that you come to realize, the hustling and the bustling is worth it. If it isn’t, you’re simply wasting your own time.

Do something fun while also setting goals for yourself. Visit a new city or country every four months or six months of the year. Do something you’ve never done or thought you could never do. Set experiential standards that will both enrich your personal life and also motivate you. 

Your goals do not have to be extraordinary to matter; all you need are ones that will work for you and enable you to become a better version of yourself.

Challenge yourself. 

Push your limits. 

This doesn’t mean you have to go to extreme lengths of any sort, but give yourself a positive and encouraging nudge every now and then. Pat yourself on the back when you’ve accomplished something. Reward yourself when you’ve achieved a goal. Treat yourself to a massage, a new dress or book, a holiday someplace you’ve never been before, or indulge in a fancy dining experience; whichever way you choose to celebrate overcoming obstacles and challenges in life, don’t forget to take a deep breath and appreciate the journey that got you there.

Life doesn’t have to be all work hard and no play. It’s okay to have a break every now and then because you deserve it. Capture these moments, whether in the form of a photograph or keep a journal. Most often we tend to let life’s best moments pass by without truly living it and then as the years go by, memories tend to slip by as well. One way of capturing them in by taking a photograph or actually writing down how you felt in a personal journal.

It’s easy to sit back and watch the day/s go by but more often than otherwise, we tend to lose track of time and suddenly it’s a week, a month or even a year later that we’ve come to realize how much time we’ve wasted. 

Don’t let this happen too often; your time is now. 

Make it matter.

Good luck!

Reflecting on the past… 

Ten years ago, I met my ex-husband at a coffee shop in Colombo.  

Ten years later, I’m seated on my living room couch, divorced and feeling somewhat alone for the first time in a decade.

It’s not as bad or hard as I thought it’d be. I assumed I’d have mood swings and bouts of dismay at the choices I’ve made and I was right, I do. I tell myself this is normal however because I also feel content for the most part. I’ve learned to accept that the differences between my ex-husband and I weren’t things that could be changed or dealt with in the best light, and it was a good and wise decision to accept something isn’t working out, especially when it isn’t, instead of putting on a farce and pretend like everything is okay (when it obviously isn’t) just to appease the families and community.

I’d still say the divorce happened not because he was a bad person. He just wasn’t the right person for me. Sure he made mistakes; and so did I. But our compatibility and reactions to certain events that happened during our time together called for a better understanding of our marriage, and the final conclusion that it was now or never to make a change. There’s no point to life if you’re living in misery.

I’ve come to understand that this is something not every and many women out there feel. I personally know a handful who continue to be miserable in their marriages simply because they feel they have no other choice but to be so. I can’t understand the reasoning behind this conclusion however. Throughout my time of contemplating what I should do, I always reminded myself that I have choices. It’s my life and I damn well have choices. No one is limiting or constricting me, other than own self.

I’ve expressed this notion in public and in conversation, but there’s always a mind block when it comes to the women who are in unhappy marriages. They’ve grown accustomed to thinking they are alternative to the feeling of miserable and pretense of being married. I know what the latter can be like because I pretended to be okay for a year or so. When I began to feel indifferent towards my ex-husband, I tried to understand why this was happening and what had led to these changes within me. I didn’t leave me feeling happy, that’s for sure.

I’m not afraid or ashamed to say I’m divorced. I wear it like second skin nowadays. Whenever I meet new people, it’s one of the first few things I share and it’s okay. I feel the need to be honest with new faces and I also feel it’s important to mention so to new faces. Being married was a part of who I was for sometime in my life, and being divorced is a part of who I am today, so why be afraid or ashamed to admit that I once was married? It’s okay.

Like I’ve said earlier, I’ve had mood swings and hours of dismay. I’ve had bad days and sad days. Occasionally I still do but again, who doesn’t? Every one goes through ups and downs and again, it’s normal to feel this way. Not every single day of your life is going to be picture perfect and full of smiles and happiness. Do I ever regret the choice of getting a divorce; hell no. It’s very clear and apparent that I am a much happier soul and individual being divorced than I was being stuck in an unhappy marriage. I’ve come to accept that notion and emotion wholeheartedly and with that acceptance comes the reality that this decision certainly was no mistake.

I’ve also been asked a couple of times if I miss the company and presence of my ex husband, or rather the company or presence of a significant other, especially when I had been with him with nearly ten years (we dated for five and were married for nearly four). I think about it now and then when I look at friends my age who are happily married, and it boils down to the my reasons for being in a good place right now – I am quite happy and content. So no, I do not miss having another individual in my life. I think this also has to do with having time for my own self, discovering and learning who I am and giving my self the attention and love I needed. When there’s so much to fulfill personally, there really isn’t a need for having another being in one’s life. At least, there isn’t for the time being.  

Whenever I do feel alone or lonely, I turn to the things and people I love the most and keep close. I’ve been traveling and discovering my beloved island home. I’ve gained and lost friends in the past 18 months. I’ve broken and made ties with old and new people in my life. It’s a roller coaster ride every single day. It’s scary and uncertain as much as it is fun and exhilarating. Overall however I think it’s important to know the people who will always stand by your side, support you silently no matter what choices you make and also understand the difference between those who are there for you for ulterior reasons, and those who are there for you simply because you matter to them. Difficult times in life definitely have a way of showing you these types of people.

Would I ever get married again? Who is to know. Right now, I’m only focussing on myself and the things that matter to me so my answer would be a big fat ‘no’. My mind frame cannot wrap itself around the idea of wanting to go through that ordeal one more time and simply tie myself down to one person and get the government involved by signing a piece of paper. It just doesn’t make sense in my head anymore.

Am I bad person to have gone against ethics and religion and gotten a divorce? Well, to each your own. Everyone has a different opinion and perspective on the subject of divorce. Mine is an open perspective – I simply did not want to stay in an unhappy marriage and after having tried to make it work, decided to part ways. Does that make me a bad person? No, I do not think so. Rather, I think it makes me a vary and mindful person with a personal opinion. Would I recommend same for others who are in unhappy marriage? Not really. I’d say given the circumstances, try to work it out as best you can. Again, remember you always have choices. Only when you feel as if you are out of possibilities and choices should you think about separation or divorce.

A Bit of Happiness


Don’t we all long for it? A little bit of happiness, at least, every single day to keep our zest for life alive? I like to think yes. We all do. But why is it so hard to be happy nowadays? Why is happiness so costly? In today’s world, happiness can cost you time, money, effort and energy, friends, family and even your life. But why is it that we still harness all our might and strength, determination and energy to find it even in the slightest form? I’d like to think because it’s worth it. It has to be right? Correct me if I’m wrong, but why else would we struggle all our lives to find it if otherwise? 

New……..

The year didn’t start off that great. It’s been a whirlwind of episodes that have drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. 

I’ve been unwell since the first day of the year. Go figure! I’m still under medication, after two visits to the doctor and one blood test. I feel like I’m getting better though, which is a good thing. I hate being sick and especially for this long. That’s the physically draining part. 

Emotionally, I’m wiped out. I feel a river of tears bursting around the corners of the eyes every now and then but then they go away just as suddenly. I’ve unhappy thoughts and I suppose that’s a reason why. Every other day engulfed me with sadness and I’ve just been holding on. To what, I’ve yet to know….my sanity? I feel like I’m losing all of it now. I feel like I lose a part of me every single day. I’m dying, withering day by day. 

It’s all exhausting mentally. Every moment in life adds to the pressure; I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good wife. I suppose I am good friend in some ways – just saying. I don’t seem to be good overall. I can’t live up to people’s expectations, I can’t keep up with the responsibilities and duties, I can’t seem to stick to the social norms. It’s just not in me. And therefore, I’ve disappointed the people around me; my parents and my husband. 

Is it a crime, to want to be happy? 

If it is so, then I’m guilty on all accounts. I’ll face the charges. I’m willing to go the extra mile to attain it and on a personal note, I don’t see it as a crime. It makes me selfish – but it is my life isn’t it? 

Saturday – I met with a certain someone who opened my eyes to a few things I didn’t see. I received good advice on how to proceed in life and was given good choices with what to do next in my life. 

Monday – My parents returned from their stint overseas. I also had an altercation with my father which obviously didn’t end up well. I left home and stayed at a hotel for the night. 

Today – I woke up early and got a head start on my work. I feel good and let’s hope the feeling doesn’t emb away. 

Meddling 

It’s for your own good…. Yeah yeah I’ve heard that one a gazillion times before… It never gets old and people don’t tire of saying it to you. 

Tonight.. I’m just tired of all the meddling. Sick and exhausted of it all. I don’t understand why someone cannot be let to live and just be. How hard is it really? My life has been meddled with in all its entirety. When it happens on a daily basis, it takes its toll on you and not in the best way. 

I thought I had somewhat of a pretty good week or hardly or less meddling and then, bam! It just hits you so hard right across the face. I hate… Hate is such a strong word…but I hate how it makes me feel and how I react in return. It makes me angry, anxious and defensive. It makes me want to run away, away from all the drama, the questions, the secret glances, the pitiful looks, the jealous stares and whatnots. 

The ideal dream, at this very moment, would be to vanish. To disappear into nowhere. Somewhere no one knows me and I know no one. Somewhere I can have some sense of peace and longing. Somewhere no one will tell me what to do, what to wear, what to say, what to think, who to associate with and how to be. I feel like… No one understands how much I long for that. To be unknown and start fresh. To have no one tell me things. No judgements. 

It’s pretty sad to read back on some of my earlier blog posts that discuss my life. I pity myself. I wish I had the courage to just get up and leave, which is what I want to do…. 

I feel like this is a bit of an incomplete blog but… I needed to get a few things off my chest, so here you have it. 

Wave of emotions

presentation-emotions

Feeling blue and feeling happy

I’m a mix of emotions these days

Can’t complain though because the good days are wonderful

Amazing in fact

But then the wonderment fades  when I have to return home

Go back to the melodramatic atmosphere and existence

They say that one should never give up

But it doesn’t feel like giving up when I’m looking to give my life new meaning

I want to feel happy and free again

I do, for the most part when I am alone at home or when I am out with my friends

I love those days when I have it to myself and can do whatever I like….

But a part of my heart is opening up to new emotions

While another part of it is just cold and shut down….

I don’t quite know what to do with myself really

It’s not like I ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life

I just don’t want to live a life that others have drawn up for me…

I want to live a life that I see in my heart…

One where I am more in control and also free

Is that such a wrong thing?