Paean II


My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all. 

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No love


I don’t love you

But what did I do to make you hate me so much?

I never said hate

But you have no feelings…

That’s right, I have no feelings for you

But what I did I do wrong?

Look back over the years…

But I still love you, and I want to make this work…

I feel stuck in a relationship that I don’t want to be in

Give me one more chance?

But I just want to get away!

All I’ve wanted was to make you happy

But I’m not happy with you

What do you want out of this relationship?

What do you see for us in the coming year?

I just want you in my life

Even if I’m not happy and have no feelings for you?

What have I done wrong?

It’s not you, it’s me… I don’t love you

Inner peace 

  
This reminds me of Kung Fu Panda, but on a serious note, I do believe inner peace is attained when you stop allowing others to control your emotions and life. 

There is a sense of satisfaction when only you have control over how you feel, where you go, what you do and so on. 

That I believe is inner peace.