Paean II

My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all. 

No love

I don’t love you

But what did I do to make you hate me so much?

I never said hate

But you have no feelings…

That’s right, I have no feelings for you

But what I did I do wrong?

Look back over the years…

But I still love you, and I want to make this work…

I feel stuck in a relationship that I don’t want to be in

Give me one more chance?

But I just want to get away!

All I’ve wanted was to make you happy

But I’m not happy with you

What do you want out of this relationship?

What do you see for us in the coming year?

I just want you in my life

Even if I’m not happy and have no feelings for you?

What have I done wrong?

It’s not you, it’s me… I don’t love you

Inner peace 

This reminds me of Kung Fu Panda, but on a serious note, I do believe inner peace is attained when you stop allowing others to control your emotions and life. 

There is a sense of satisfaction when only you have control over how you feel, where you go, what you do and so on. 

That I believe is inner peace. 

The butterfly effect 

More from my favourite poet, Lang Leav

Her words touch a core deep within me and I just don’t know why… I think it’s because the words are so true and powerful in so many ways… Makes me think and feel so many emotions at the same time.. Love this new work by her. 


Stop being afraid 

Oh the pursuit of happiness is a never ending kind of one and like I said in one of my earlier posts, you cannot force happiness upon your life or chase after it. It’s a gradual process. 

I know that it’s a leap of faith that you take when you want to be true to yourself and not let what others think or say affect you but that is also what is going to bring you true happiness. When you are comfortable in your own skin, when you let go of your worries and inhibitions, what else is there to bring you down and make you unhappy? Nothing! Stop thinking about what others think or might be thinking. It’s a waste of time, trust me. Their negativity is not worth your time or your life so learn to let it go. Learn to be happy and content with the way you are and who you are and happiness will come naturally. 

Again, it’s not an easy process. You might hurt people along the way but keep in mind that if you choose otherwise and instead make others happy, you are neglecting yourself and making yourself unhappy. Question is – is it worth it? If it isn’t, then learn to let it all go and just be you. 


Clear your mind 


Everyday brings the hope of something new – a new beginning and a fresh opportunity to start all over. I’ve been told that I think too much with my heart and not my mind. I don’t think this is a bad thing at all. Thinking with my heart has made me selfless, non judgmental, kind and a shoulder to lean on. It has made me stronger and wiser in many ways. Yes I’ve had my heart broken perhaps s little too often because of it but I have no regrets over my experiences. So every morning, remember to clear your mind. Free your soul and think with your heart. It could do you no wrong. 

Much love! Xoxo