My emotions are all over the place right now and I don’t know if I’ll make sense. It’s purely thoughts scrammed in my little brain and thoughts that have consumed my heart. Last night – was hard. It was harsh and painful. I don’t think I’ve ever cried like that. I have not felt that kind of excruciating pain and aching in my heart ever. It wasn’t an experience. It was no good. I lay there, an hour later, exhausted and feeling completely consumed by saddened emotion. I don’t know what came over me. I lay on the ground, unable to breathe normally and unable to move a muscle. I lay there, staring at the door, the ceiling, the wall…just staring. I thought I’d at least feel some void, some emptiness but it didn’t come. Only hurt arrived at my door. And pain. Two uninvited guests. I dislike them very much. But then, what choice did I have but to welcome them into my body, mind and soul? None at all.
But what did I do to make you hate me so much?
I never said hate
But you have no feelings…
That’s right, I have no feelings for you
But what I did I do wrong?
Look back over the years…
But I still love you, and I want to make this work…
I feel stuck in a relationship that I don’t want to be in
Give me one more chance?
But I just want to get away!
All I’ve wanted was to make you happy
But I’m not happy with you
What do you want out of this relationship?
What do you see for us in the coming year?
I just want you in my life
Even if I’m not happy and have no feelings for you?
What have I done wrong?
It’s not you, it’s me… I don’t love you
There is a sense of satisfaction when only you have control over how you feel, where you go, what you do and so on.
That I believe is inner peace.