Am I happy to be back home?
Clearly, there’s some flaw to that question.
I don’t have quite the right answer, I’m afraid.
I don’t know.
It doesn’t feel like happiness.
It rather feels like a calm sense of comfort in knowing I am surrounded by familiarity.
In any way, what do I have to come back to?
I’ve left half my family at the other end of the world.
I’ve only a handful of close friends, who have lives and ordeals of their own.
I’ve nothing fixed or permanent in terms of a job.
So, what do I have to come back to?
Does that answer your question, of my happiness in returning home?
Feeling blue and feeling happy
I’m a mix of emotions these days
Can’t complain though because the good days are wonderful
Amazing in fact
But then the wonderment fades when I have to return home
Go back to the melodramatic atmosphere and existence
They say that one should never give up
But it doesn’t feel like giving up when I’m looking to give my life new meaning
I want to feel happy and free again
I do, for the most part when I am alone at home or when I am out with my friends
I love those days when I have it to myself and can do whatever I like….
But a part of my heart is opening up to new emotions
While another part of it is just cold and shut down….
I don’t quite know what to do with myself really
It’s not like I ever wanted to hurt anyone in my life
I just don’t want to live a life that others have drawn up for me…
I want to live a life that I see in my heart…
One where I am more in control and also free
Is that such a wrong thing?
There may be a million things going wrong in your life right now, but I think as humans we are flawed to not to see the million things that are also going right in our lives. Yes marriages are a lot of hard work and every day isn’t breezy and blissful but I do have a wonderful family and bunch of friends that constantly support me and are at my beck and call whenever I need them, I have a solid roof above my head, clothes to keep me warm and food at the table so really what am I complaining about a couple of arguments with my husband? It does pull me down and make me feel less great about this thing called life but then again, these are what makes us wiser, stronger and better humans. This struggle will teach us many things and I’d like to believe I can overcome anything that comes my way including the negativity.