In our quest for perfection….


No one truly prepares for that moment and year they turn 30. I say it like it’s a big deal when I bet some of you are possibly thinking that’s not even so, but it is to some; it kind of is, to me. “What do you have planned for your life,” a colleague asked me recently. Plan? I have no plan. Should I? From the moment that question entered my brain, I have not been able to stop thinking about it. Am I not living my best life because I have no plan? How much of a difference is a plan going to make anyway?  

All these questions could be important, or it could be nothing. I could be panicking and overthinking for no reason. You see, everyone lives differently. Everyone’s perspective of how to live life differs and if its nothing like mine, it’s okay. If it’s nothing like yours, that’s okay too. You live your life according to your own pace and if that seems to be working out for you, good on you!

Here’s where the fallout kicks in though; when you overwork yourself, when you’re tired all the time, when you don’t have the time to take a break and go on a vacation, when your lack of efficiency creates issues and hurts your progress with work, when you neglect yourself, when you stop making plans with the people who mean the most to you. In our quest for perfection, we seem to be on a roll to get from A to B, when in reality there doesn’t exist an A or a B. We’ve simply created that in our minds and have conditioned ourselves to believe that’s where we need to be heading.

When I turned 30, I made a few mental goals for myself. It had to be simple (basic goals, nothing too far-fetched) and it had to be things I was willing to work towards, for myself. I want to continue to travel at least once a month. Even if it means an overnight stay somewhere, I want to be able to go to someplace new, have experiences and make memories. I want to take better care of myself and by this I mean both physically and mentally. I want to be kinder to myself and not kick myself when I make mistakes. I’ll learn, I’ll grow; it’s not the end of the world or the death of someone. I want to feed my body good food and also exercise it. Whether its cooking more meals at home or making healthier choices when I dine out, whether its running thrice a week at the park or taking yoga lessons, I want to feel good by doing these things for myself.

I want to progress in my chosen career path as an entrepreneur. I want to prioritize each avenue I’m a part of it, think of ways I can make it grow and have some progress in terms of introducing new product lines, creating own collections, and quite honestly earn a bit more money than I do at the moment. Like everyone else, I’ve bills to pay, essentials to purchase and so on – so yes, even though my current salary would do, it wouldn’t hurt to have a higher pay in the time to come.

I like the idea of moving out of my parents’ home and having a place of my own. However, at this point in my life, I’m not sure how feasible of an idea that is. You’d think that by 30 I should have this figured out, but in my culture, children are most welcome to live with their parents for as long as they like. And as a divorced, single woman, the chances of moving out are slim. It doesn’t mean it won’t ever happen; I do want to work towards it. Fingers crossed.

My friends’ circle keeps getting smaller. I can’t for the life of me understand why. Am I doing something wrong? Maybe I don’t have the patience to tolerate nonsense any longer. I lost one best friend during the time of my divorce – which was almost a year ago. I lost another best friend earlier this year. And I’ve recently detached from yet another due to a bit of miscommunication and lack of confrontation and communicating about it afterwards. Who’s to blame? I can’t point fingers now can I? I could be the one at fault. Regardless of what the reasons and circumstances are, I’m here today with a very small circle of friends – souls I truly value and keep close, who I’ve come to undoubtedly appreciate and who understand me as much as I do them. The lesson here is simple; it doesn’t matter how many friends you have at the end of the day, as long as they have the qualities that complement your friendship and enrich your life. Quality over quantity, always.

I am far from perfect. I don’t strive towards perfection or a perfect life at all. What I want is to simply be happy if not content with my life. 

I’m not looking for a fancy-ass job or a hundred friends to cling to; all I need are connections between souls that inspire me, a chain of events that put a smile on my face, and a mind full of memories that make appreciate every breathe I take.

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Letting Go


Admit it, we’ve all had to let go of things in our lives at some point or the other. Whether it’s a person, a feeling, a desire (want or need) or even an object, we as humans are constantly beginning and ending chapters in our lives.  This is normal.

Although age and experience can possibly make the journey easier, no matter how many times, completely letting go can be quite difficult to achieve. As humans, our natural tendency is to focus on ‘what used to be’ or ‘what could have been’ and idealistically though unhealthy, holding onto it as if it was everything we ever wanted.

Unfortunately, the problem is that this notion and holding on can cause more suffering. It does not encourage growth in any form of way or the ideology of moving forward. The ideal situation however be to find a balance between grieving and focusing on the future and things that could be.

If you’re finding it hard to let go of the memory of someone you’ve lost in your life to death, there’s always the opportunity of paying tribute. It could be a family member, a distant relative, a close friend or even your pet companion.

Remind yourself that you are only human, and sometimes it’s okay to cry if you want to. Many times we tend to tell ourselves that tears should not be spent on something that’s lost but this does not help with the process of letting go of something that meant near and dear to us. Allow yourself to grieve. Whether its at the grocery store when you’ve been hit with a memory flashback or while you’re quietly reading a book in your favourite nook, it doesn’t matter where you are or what you’re doing. If you feel like letting it out with a good cry, do it.

Most often while we grieve for what is lost and what we may never have, we tend to lose focus on what it is that we need. We tend to forget that our lives matter and that we need to pay attention to our mind and body. Take care of yourself; do not lose wind of the importance of inhaling and exhaling. It is the key to our existence. Give yourself time to heal, but also feed your body. Go outdoors and get some fresh air. A walk will help give you a sense of clarity. Do something you are passionate about and puts a smile on your face. Eat your favourite foods.

There is no time constraints on how long you should grieve and deadline to when you should let go. You can do it in your own time but also focus on what you can gain while you do so. Overcoming a sense of sorrow and hardship can mean you are becoming a stronger individual, an open-minded person who has willpower and who is brave.

Ultimately, remember that tomorrow is a new day. It may be and seem difficult to understand but a new day brings new opportunities and with it new experiences.
There’s no denying that perhaps a teeny part of you will hold onto things without 100% letting go, but that’s okay. The trick is not to heavily focus on it or to completely let it take you over.  


Some will find it far more easier to let go than others, but we all have our means and reasons to do so. The biggest misconception of letting go and detaching is as a sign of ignorance, aloofness or even emotional disconnect. But as the Zen Buddhist Master Thich Nhat Hanh once said, letting go is a sign of loving more, not less. It is compassion, and contains a deep sense of concern and more love, not the opposite. In truly letting go, we practice gratitude and there is relief and joy is doing so. A sense of soulful satisfaction.

There is no art to letting go in reality. We all have different directions. Letting go is simply a sense of allowing and being.

Good luck!

A Bit of Happiness


Don’t we all long for it? A little bit of happiness, at least, every single day to keep our zest for life alive? I like to think yes. We all do. But why is it so hard to be happy nowadays? Why is happiness so costly? In today’s world, happiness can cost you time, money, effort and energy, friends, family and even your life. But why is it that we still harness all our might and strength, determination and energy to find it even in the slightest form? I’d like to think because it’s worth it. It has to be right? Correct me if I’m wrong, but why else would we struggle all our lives to find it if otherwise? 

Decisions


In the end, what we all want as humans is to live a good life and be happy. Do it, without harming or hurting others. Falter if you must, and learn from it. Life will always continue to throw hurdles and hardships along the way. Embrace the battle and let go stronger than ever before. Make up your mind about what you want to do in life and strive to achieve just that. And, always remember that this is YOUR life; no one has any right over you and can tell you what to do with it or how to live it. YOU decide that. 

New……..

The year didn’t start off that great. It’s been a whirlwind of episodes that have drained me emotionally, mentally and physically. 

I’ve been unwell since the first day of the year. Go figure! I’m still under medication, after two visits to the doctor and one blood test. I feel like I’m getting better though, which is a good thing. I hate being sick and especially for this long. That’s the physically draining part. 

Emotionally, I’m wiped out. I feel a river of tears bursting around the corners of the eyes every now and then but then they go away just as suddenly. I’ve unhappy thoughts and I suppose that’s a reason why. Every other day engulfed me with sadness and I’ve just been holding on. To what, I’ve yet to know….my sanity? I feel like I’m losing all of it now. I feel like I lose a part of me every single day. I’m dying, withering day by day. 

It’s all exhausting mentally. Every moment in life adds to the pressure; I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good wife. I suppose I am good friend in some ways – just saying. I don’t seem to be good overall. I can’t live up to people’s expectations, I can’t keep up with the responsibilities and duties, I can’t seem to stick to the social norms. It’s just not in me. And therefore, I’ve disappointed the people around me; my parents and my husband. 

Is it a crime, to want to be happy? 

If it is so, then I’m guilty on all accounts. I’ll face the charges. I’m willing to go the extra mile to attain it and on a personal note, I don’t see it as a crime. It makes me selfish – but it is my life isn’t it? 

Saturday – I met with a certain someone who opened my eyes to a few things I didn’t see. I received good advice on how to proceed in life and was given good choices with what to do next in my life. 

Monday – My parents returned from their stint overseas. I also had an altercation with my father which obviously didn’t end up well. I left home and stayed at a hotel for the night. 

Today – I woke up early and got a head start on my work. I feel good and let’s hope the feeling doesn’t emb away.