Don’t we all long for it? A little bit of happiness, at least, every single day to keep our zest for life alive? I like to think yes. We all do. But why is it so hard to be happy nowadays? Why is happiness so costly? In today’s world, happiness can cost you time, money, effort and energy, friends, family and even your life. But why is it that we still harness all our might and strength, determination and energy to find it even in the slightest form? I’d like to think because it’s worth it. It has to be right? Correct me if I’m wrong, but why else would we struggle all our lives to find it if otherwise?
In the end, what we all want as humans is to live a good life and be happy. Do it, without harming or hurting others. Falter if you must, and learn from it. Life will always continue to throw hurdles and hardships along the way. Embrace the battle and let go stronger than ever before. Make up your mind about what you want to do in life and strive to achieve just that. And, always remember that this is YOUR life; no one has any right over you and can tell you what to do with it or how to live it. YOU decide that.
I’ve been unwell since the first day of the year. Go figure! I’m still under medication, after two visits to the doctor and one blood test. I feel like I’m getting better though, which is a good thing. I hate being sick and especially for this long. That’s the physically draining part.
Emotionally, I’m wiped out. I feel a river of tears bursting around the corners of the eyes every now and then but then they go away just as suddenly. I’ve unhappy thoughts and I suppose that’s a reason why. Every other day engulfed me with sadness and I’ve just been holding on. To what, I’ve yet to know….my sanity? I feel like I’m losing all of it now. I feel like I lose a part of me every single day. I’m dying, withering day by day.
It’s all exhausting mentally. Every moment in life adds to the pressure; I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good wife. I suppose I am good friend in some ways – just saying. I don’t seem to be good overall. I can’t live up to people’s expectations, I can’t keep up with the responsibilities and duties, I can’t seem to stick to the social norms. It’s just not in me. And therefore, I’ve disappointed the people around me; my parents and my husband.
Is it a crime, to want to be happy?
If it is so, then I’m guilty on all accounts. I’ll face the charges. I’m willing to go the extra mile to attain it and on a personal note, I don’t see it as a crime. It makes me selfish – but it is my life isn’t it?
Saturday – I met with a certain someone who opened my eyes to a few things I didn’t see. I received good advice on how to proceed in life and was given good choices with what to do next in my life.
Monday – My parents returned from their stint overseas. I also had an altercation with my father which obviously didn’t end up well. I left home and stayed at a hotel for the night.
Today – I woke up early and got a head start on my work. I feel good and let’s hope the feeling doesn’t emb away.
But what did I do to make you hate me so much?
I never said hate
But you have no feelings…
That’s right, I have no feelings for you
But what I did I do wrong?
Look back over the years…
But I still love you, and I want to make this work…
I feel stuck in a relationship that I don’t want to be in
Give me one more chance?
But I just want to get away!
All I’ve wanted was to make you happy
But I’m not happy with you
What do you want out of this relationship?
What do you see for us in the coming year?
I just want you in my life
Even if I’m not happy and have no feelings for you?
What have I done wrong?
It’s not you, it’s me… I don’t love you