The year didn’t start off that great. It’s been a whirlwind of episodes that have drained me emotionally, mentally and physically.
I’ve been unwell since the first day of the year. Go figure! I’m still under medication, after two visits to the doctor and one blood test. I feel like I’m getting better though, which is a good thing. I hate being sick and especially for this long. That’s the physically draining part.
Emotionally, I’m wiped out. I feel a river of tears bursting around the corners of the eyes every now and then but then they go away just as suddenly. I’ve unhappy thoughts and I suppose that’s a reason why. Every other day engulfed me with sadness and I’ve just been holding on. To what, I’ve yet to know….my sanity? I feel like I’m losing all of it now. I feel like I lose a part of me every single day. I’m dying, withering day by day.
It’s all exhausting mentally. Every moment in life adds to the pressure; I’m not a good daughter, I’m not a good wife. I suppose I am good friend in some ways – just saying. I don’t seem to be good overall. I can’t live up to people’s expectations, I can’t keep up with the responsibilities and duties, I can’t seem to stick to the social norms. It’s just not in me. And therefore, I’ve disappointed the people around me; my parents and my husband.
Is it a crime, to want to be happy?
If it is so, then I’m guilty on all accounts. I’ll face the charges. I’m willing to go the extra mile to attain it and on a personal note, I don’t see it as a crime. It makes me selfish – but it is my life isn’t it?
Saturday – I met with a certain someone who opened my eyes to a few things I didn’t see. I received good advice on how to proceed in life and was given good choices with what to do next in my life.
Monday – My parents returned from their stint overseas. I also had an altercation with my father which obviously didn’t end up well. I left home and stayed at a hotel for the night.
Today – I woke up early and got a head start on my work. I feel good and let’s hope the feeling doesn’t emb away.
I’ve not been in the mood to write… Sounds lame I know… But, it’s just how I’ve been feeling for sometime now. It’s been a month and a half since I returned and I don’t quite know what to do with myself. Sure, I make plans to meet friends and read as much and go places, but writing has always been a big part of my life and when I’m not writing, something is definitely not right.
I had the most peaceful three months while I was away. The most peaceful I’ve had on over three years. It’s a sad thing to say but it’s also the sad truth. It also sprung the idea of my next article to the local newspaper – What They Don’t Tell You About Marriage. Trust me, people don’t tell you A LOT of things!!!!!
I thought I’d get e first paragraph sorted somehow today, call myself productive at least in some way for today. I’ve also been focusing a lot on my little home businesses and how to grow them in ways I can manage. I supply bath and body items to a baby store and I’ve also picked up doodling and sketching a bit so there’s a hit of progress I suppose. As for on a very personal note, I don’t quite know what I’m doing….
Some things in life are going to end. I’m sure of that now because I can’t deal with the bullshit any longer. I’m tired, I’m unhappy and I value my life and so I want to change things around… I want to make living worthwhile and so some things in life are going to end and pave the way for new beginnings. I need to do this for myself. Yes, I’m being selfish but it is my life after all isn’t it? If I don’t value it, then what’s the point?
Well… There you have it, just a little update on what’s been going on… And hopefully a reminder to myself that I should continue to write and keep this blog updated. I don’t know many of you (if at all, all of you) but thank you for the silent support and encouragement. I’ve needed it and I appreciate it very much.
Yep… It’s me after a month or more long absence… It’s one of those days… And no… I’m not liking it…. I can’t seem to get myself to literary do anything productive… I’ve not written in months… I’ve… Well…I spent this morning watching YouTube videos and half a movie… Im not jobless you see… I’ve got work to do and orders to check and packages to deliver but I just can’t seem to get about doing them…
In truth… I wish I hadn’t come back from the US… I wish I could go back this very moment… And I can’t… And I’m a little down about that…
No, I’m not looking for sympathy or pity or understanding… I just wanted to let that out… To clear my mind of it… I apologize in advance for this boring post…
As you all know, I made six New Year Resolutions for this year. I’m not one to usually make any at all but I thought this year would be different and I would do my best to keep up with them. So, I thought every three months, I’ll give you guys an update as to how far along I’ve been keeping up with my resolutions and this would be my first update 🙂
Two of my resolutions had to do with a healthy lifestyle… probably three. I wanted to eat healthy, continue with my yoga practices and also stay away from fizzy and unhealthy drinks. Super thrilled to say, I have been sticking with all three. I love salads and soups so I have been having more of them as a whole meal, I’ve also been practising yoga three to four times a week and I’ve had no fizzy drinks since the beginning of this year. Yay me! I’ve also taken a few extra steps to do a bit of cardio every now and then during the week and weekend whenever I have the time and I actually feel myself become stronger and fit.
I’ve also been reading quite progressively over the past two months and I am super duper happy about it. I actually missed holding a book in my hand so to have me back on the reading bandwagon is such a happy and satisfying feeling. I’ve already ordered another book online for the month of April. As for blogging a couple of times a week, you guys can obviously tell, I am making a huge effort to make sure I have posts very frequently. I do not want to fall off that bandwagon and neglect this blog, especially when it’s just about a year since I started. I didn’t quite realise that until writing this post right now…. oh boy it’s been a year!!!! Just want to take a moment and say a HUGE thank you to all my followers and fellow bloggers you have been supporting me throughout this journey, and also another round of thank yous to my family and friends 🙂 🙂
As for expanding my little online business, I will be featured in a teen magazine next month! Yes, this is another step towards the expansion process and I am so happy and feel so blessed to be where I am in my life right now. Things are really working out well so once again a big thank you to everyone who has supported me through the thick and the thin!
That’s it from me guys, until next time xoxoxo!