Paradoxically 

I feel like a paradox

Torn between ideals

Ideologies I wish didn’t exist

To seek comfort in another 

To seek solace within myself

To give in to the laments of my husband

To give in to the aching of my heart

To dry the eyes of my weeping father

To console my unhappy mother

To comfort myself

To leave this place I call home

To find comfort in the tension that fills this house 

To let my heart feel again

For the man I do not love

To let things go and begin to love myself again

To shun away the oh so righteous laws

To abide and believe this is my fate

To willfully unshackle myself 

To drain my soul and pretend to live

To go in search of peace and new comfort

To dwell in misery for the rest of my life

To let go

To hold on

To live

To die

Until…

We looked into each other’s eyes

He breathed

I stared

‘Are you mad at me’? he asked

I inhaled

‘More at myself than you’

He started to speak

But I continued…

‘Mad at myself

For letting myself

Feel things I shouldn’t

Dream of things I shouldn’t

And want things I shouldn’t’

He whispered my name

And my heart broke a little

He moved a step closer

And my heart hitched inside

‘Don’t… don’t come any closer’

I said

He took another step

Towards me

‘Please don’t’ I said again

‘Give me a hug’ he said

And a tear rolled down my face

‘That’s what I’m afraid of’

Another step

Another tear

He reached out to me

Held my waist

And pulled me closer

I broke down entirely

And clung to him

He already knew

What was on my mind

And I knew he wouldn’t say

The words I dreamed him say

So we stayed

In each other’s arms

In silence

Until it was time to say goodbye

The butterfly effect 

  
More from my favourite poet, Lang Leav

Her words touch a core deep within me and I just don’t know why… I think it’s because the words are so true and powerful in so many ways… Makes me think and feel so many emotions at the same time.. Love this new work by her. 

Xoxo